Sometimes, or maybe even most of the times, I feel like giving up.
Perseverance is a trait that is often hard to muster up. I feel like I’m constantly rushing forward with no attainable goal, just exhausted legs and worn clothes. In this chapter of my life I’m a ghost wandering the desert.
So I am a protagonist without purpose. But I am not truly without purpose. We all know that the characters in works of fiction don’t know where they’re going to be taken. They don’t know what the writer will write them into. They don’t know how their character will develop throughout the story. All they really know is what is around them. I guess we’re the same way.
I always thought that God gave a tiny piece of his heart to writers. God is a writer, in a way, or at least that’s how I see him. He’s a brilliant writer who designs billions of souls and sets them off into unique destinies. That always awed me… In a way, God has given us one of his own wonderful abilities in an extremely watered down way. To imagine, to create, to think, it’s all by God.
Sometimes people think that God is against art or creativity. But he is the definition of creativity. He is the father of art, he is the first artist, the best artist, the master at every known and unknown craft.
So I know that I am not just a poorly written character in a poorly written fanfiction. That would be insulting to my writer. No, I’m a complex character in a expertly written novel. I’m still in the middle of my story, though this seems to be a slow point. An endless, scorching desert my ghostly soul must drift in for what feels like centuries.
I find myself asking him why? Why? Why?
And people tell me it may take years to understand why these things happen to us. One day I may look back and everything will make sense, like in a mystery where you don’t understand the subtle clues until you’ve found your solution.
People always tell me things. I always hear things, but until I come to the point of understanding them myself, they will go unacknowledged.
So perseverance. You have to keep going through the pages even when they seem uninteresting and irrelevant to the plot. They add up to a climax, they are part of a solid book with a solid conclusion. You have things coming up, love and heartbreak and dreams and narrow escapes, you just have to read through. Don’t skim, don’t tear the pages as you turn. Relax while you can.
Your story has barely begun.
There will be an oasis in my desert, once I find it. Until then I have to keep walking.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV)