Alright honey, it’s time to do a few things.
It’s time to start taking care of yourself, and that means more than just brushing your teeth and drinking enough water. That means you’re going to have to let yourself smile more, get enough exercise, eat well and spend time with people you love. Enough hiding all alone burying yourself in chocolate and anxiety. If you want to get better, you have to jump in. You have to dress well and have good hygiene, and keep good relationships with others. You have to be strong even when you’re afraid and depressed. You have to be strong. You have to believe that one day you will be the person you have always longed to be. You are early on. You are young. You are not finished yet. Draw, sing, dance, run, dye your hair and wear weird clothes and do fun things. Be expressive! Care about things. See the world in color instead of black and white.
Don’t numb the pain anymore. Stop this apathetic attitude. Go out there and live your life!
Remember that little girl who made books out of stapled pieces of paper and old crayons? Remember that little girl who pranced through the house for hours on and end, listening to classical music as her mind imagined another realm? The girl who sang whatever words came to mind? She was a superhero, a princess, a spy, a maid, a queen, a mermaid, a fairy. Do you remember? Eons ago, you were free. You were strange and bubbling and free and you didn’t even know it.
Do you remember a time when you were pure, when you were whole?
I know deep down you remember her, and I know, she is dormant in your soul. She may be dormant but she is still there and I am asking you, begging you to think about that little girl.
When you want to die, when you want to succumb to everything that hurts you but makes you feel alive, when you want to scream, I want you to think about that little girl. She is you, or was you. Get better for her. Draw for her. Sing for her. Do it all because one day, you may be that girl again. One day she may awaken, she may come to life and then she will see the world as it was meant to be seen.
I know your heart is broken, I know it’s decayed and splintered. I know you are so far into this denial and this hateful world that you don’t believe in life anymore, you don’t believe in love.
Look at me. Hear my words, listen to them one by one.
You were made whole. You were broken.
You are not here to be beautiful or exceptional or heroic in a typical sense. You are here to bleed love, you are here to create beautiful things.
Through your ugliness, through your blood and pained vomit you emerge kind. You emerge thoughtful. And isn’t that enough?
Would you rather have a beautiful life and be a shallow wannabe, a carbon copy?
Or will you life in agony, in mental strain, but come out like a butterfly from a cocoon? What a cliche example, but you know that the butterfly has to fight through the layers and layers for a long time before it breaks through, before its wings meet air. And this is what you must do. Develop your wings, because they are not quite ready to touch the air.
You must let go of pride and idealistic hopes and live. Make. Use your hands, use your eyes, look, dream. Forget about what you look like, what you’ve done. Brush it off yours sides and leave it on the concrete. Walk away.
Walk away. You can do anything you want to. You were not made to hurt, you were made to use that hurt to do something else. So do it.
It’s time to love yourself and not treat your body like a trash can. It’s time to not treat your face like a dust rag. It’s time to get up, it’s time to start wriggling out of the cocoon.
You are a woman, and you are fire and flesh and pounding blood and veins. You are love and breathing lungs. You are a human being on this earth.
You are given life, so use it wisely.