something full of thought but kind of a mess

Isn’t it funny how quickly things can change? How you can develop a fresh set of eyes when looking at someone or something? How for a moment, they are ugly and dull and nothing, and the next, they are the most beautiful person or it is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen? I think it’s funny how we can go from hating people to being their best friend. Or hating yourself, and then going to trapeze around in some scandalous attire. How can we think we are the most horrible people in the world, just to brag about how wonderful we are? Isn’t it kind of interesting how the human race is always developing new theories and conclusions for things? How we are always advancing, rethinking, coming up with a more exciting dream? Maybe it’s just me, as a girl of extremes. Sometimes all I need to change my perspective on something is a long hot shower. Sometimes a long hot shower makes me feel even more confused than I was before. Sometimes working out makes me feel so much better about my body. Other times it depresses how far I’ve fallen. Unfortunately in my world, nothing is definite. Who I am last month is probably not who I am this month. Who I am next week is going to be drastically different from who I am today. It’s all in growth. I feel like I’m growing at an astronomical rate, yet at the same time I feel like I’m going backwards in my cycle. How is that possible? How am I contradicting myself with every thought, every movement?

Sometimes I think too much don’t think enough. I’m impulsive and crazy and acting on what I want now. Desires must be filled, love must be felt now. Not later. And patience is something that I’ve always struggled with. Perhaps that’s why I’m so all over the place.

I understand that this is a very rambly and possibly unclear post. Sorry about that. I think the point that I’m trying to express, the world that I’m trying to show is the mind of an artist. The mind of a dreamer. It is not one thing, it is not two things, it is an entire galaxy and what is beyond that.We are not defined. We are not able to be put into a carbon copy box stating our quirks and downfalls. We are not stereotypes, we are not simply weird emotional people. When it comes down to it, everyone is really just a weird emotional person. We don’t all show it, and we all have different levels of this but I know we all feel. We all have something about us that isn’t regular. But then, doesn’t that make us all regular? I think people are different, but they’re not as different as they think.

My brain is the sun and my thoughts are the planets that circle around it. Constantly moving, zipping through space and time. Here we are, living, moving, even when everything feels still.

I feel like my life is based on epiphanies. I have them all the time, but the ones that I actually acknowledge as truth are the ones that truly get to me. The ones that shape my reality, my future. I have them everyday, all the time. I am always thinking about what everything means. I’m always coming to some dramatic realization that changes my whole life, yet somehow I feel like I remain the same. I think I give things too much meaning. A lot of things just happen because people do them. People are sad and lazy and angry. A. I think so much that I forget everything else that exists in reality. Sometimes I  lot of things happen because people are hurt and don’t want to deal with it in the proper way.

What the heck am I saying, you ask? I guess I’m talking about epiphanies, about thoughts, about truth. People only see what they want to see, but that doesn’t last forever. Eventually you will start to see things how they are, and then you can either live in denial or you can accept it. I think we try to run away from what we are, and that affects the way we see others. What we hate in our own worlds may reflect on how we perceive others. We see ourselves in others and we either admire that or despise it.


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