silly little apparition (in which i yell at myself)

YOU. NEED.TO. GET. ORGANIZED.

Okay? Child! What do you think, you’re going to use the excuse that you’re a free spirit and a wanderer etc.. etc.. to justify your sloppiness for the rest of your life? No! GET YOURSELF TOGETHER.

This has worked for far longer than you ever dreamed to be possible. You have phased through hurdles but soon your ghostliness will cease to be a superpower and will only bring you the treat of being looked over. BUT! You don’t want people to look at you? You love being a ghost? You love following the winds?

Ah ha, you silly little apparition. No ghost writes bestsellers, and when they do, they have someone else’s name on them. No ghost performs poetry or reads spoken word to a crowd. No ghost earns a living illustrating children’s books. No ghost can truly touch another human being. No ghost can be there the way a human can. Perhaps you think you are special, or dreamy, that this is an endearing quality to you. In what way is this distance endearing? This separation from yourself? It makes me mysterious, you claim. Right. The appeal of the mysterious girl is a lie. Underneath your billowy skirts and pixie bangs you are literally just a churning spirit. Roaming, trembling, jumping in and out of whatever feeling you have tonight. Disassociating, feeling out of body, clouded with the feelings that seem to seep out of their heads and into yours. You are overstimulated, to put it simply. Hyperactive in the mind but not the body. There is nothing mysterious about that.

So what now? You are immensely aware of  this surreal state of being, and at times you have fought to change it to no avail. You have decided, it is easier to float here, to observe and disintegrate when something difficult passes through you. How lazy and weak hearted of you. GO DO SOMETHING! And by something, I mean everything you are avoiding. I mean everything you are running away from.

What I am saying is…DO YOUR HOMEWORK! DO YOUR LAUNDRY! DRAW THAT DRAWING YOU PROMISED TO DRAW FOR THAT PERSON! DO YOUR WORK!

ARG!

 

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